We were sitting in the school parking lot, 8am on a foggy October morning. My son occupied the driver’s seat because he’s got his learner’s now, and we are doing the whole he drives to school and we switch in the parking lot bit. He had pulled out his N95 mask to put on before entering the school building. His thumb played at the edge of the folded mask, but he couldn’t pull the sides apart.
I leaned closer to him. “Maybe try another spot and it will be easier.”
He turned his incredulous 16 year old eyes upon me. “I’ve got it, Mom.”
And sure enough, a few seconds later, he pulled the mask open. Before he left the car, and I switched to the driver’s side, he paused. “You know Mom, I made an interesting observation during English MACC practice the other day.”
“Yes?”
“The word ‘mothering’ is just one letter away from ‘smothering’.”
Ouch. The truth hurts.
However, this is child number four, the last one at home. After parenting for over 20 years, I’m getting better at listening, better at being curious about and processing the things my kids say before I respond. It’s been a long, hard road to humility, and I’m not finished, but I’m making progress. Because of that progress, I could say to my kid, “You know what, that’s a good point. We mean well, but sometimes moms tip over into overbearing.”
“Or smothering,” he added.
“Right. I’ll try to remember that in the future.”
He nodded. Before he left the car, I said, “But buddy, I hope you appreciate that I’m way better about smothering than I used to be, and you’re reaping the benefits of that, as number four.” Just ask number one, I thought, but didn’t say.
He shrugged. “Yeah, I can see that.”
We get along pretty well, me and number four. Things are quite chill with just three of us at home now. Which is a good thing, because I’m tired. However, with age comes not only fatigue, but some wisdom. I’m thankful that all of my years of working on respectful, honest communication within my family could pay off on a random October morning. My son spoke to me thoughtfully, and I responded thoughtfully. No yelling, no sarcasm, no hurt.
I’m not saying all that stuff won’t pop up another day. I’ve been doing this gig long enough to know that nothing is ever off the table, and we all, kids and parents, have low days. Those are the days it’s hard to remember that mothering is one small squiggly letter away from smothering.
But I will do my best.
What wisdom can you share, either as a child or a parent? This Word Nerd wants to know!
Thanks for getting nerdy with me!
I’m still smothering and my two are 58(almost) and 54. Both single at this point in their lives and so I am overbearing at times! I call it love! 🤗
That (s)mothering instinct is pretty hard wired. 😬
OMG, I relate to this post so much. The hubby and I are on our second batch of kids (number 1 and 2 are 27 and soon-to-be 25, and the younger ones are 13 and 9), and it’s amazing how much I’ve learned in terms of parenting, and how much I still act the same. Smothering is part of my mothering and always will be. It’s purely out of love~ they’ll realize that when they have kids of their own, but I can definitely be better in the meantime. Thanks for the lesson in listening and communication!
It’s hard work, isn’t it. We always have to be thinking about how we approach things- and yes, some tendencies are very hard to change! Thanks for stopping by!