Most mornings, when the “Goodreads Quote of the Day” pops up on my iPhone, I smile, or feel inspired. But this one hit me like an accusation:
The words taunted me: where has your inner child gone?
My name, Julia, means youthful, and true to form, I surround myself with younger people. Through all of my occupations and positions, (teacher, physical therapist, coach), children have been the consistent feature. And yet, I worry my own “child” has gotten lost.
I don’t have any siblings, and although I always wanted more kids around when I was younger, the lack of companionship nurtured a great gift: creativity. Out of necessity, I became very good at entertaining myself. In grade school, I created elaborate schemes that included Barbies, Fisher-Price figures, and random pieces of furniture. When I entered adolescence, my creativity manifested itself in sketch books. Pencil and paper were my favorite mediums, although I fancied acrylic paint as well. Difficult subjects like glass, ribbons, and bubbles fascinated me. I loved exploring the coiled lines of a bow atop a present or how glass bends a flower stem.
The demands of marriage and family buried that part of myself until recently, when one of my children was working on an art project, and I pulled out a few of my old sketch books. As I flipped through the pages of an older book, my son said, “Wow, Mom, these are good.”
My drawings spoke to me too. They whispered, somewhat bitterly, “Where have you been?”
I’ve been changing diapers and doing laundry. Balancing checkbooks and color coding sports schedules.
I closed the sketch book, but I couldn’t forget. The shock helped me realize something:
Yes, motherhood consumes much of my time, and hours spent taking care of my kids are hours well spent, but I can’t lose myself amid the demands. Since I don’t have endless carefree afternoons like I did at age ten, finding time for creativity, which currently comes into my life as lines of fiction or clicks of the shutter, demands self-discipline and self-love, but it’s necessary. It’s who I am.
I will make sure my inner child thrives alongside my offspring.
And someday, when there isn’t as much laundry because there aren’t as many children at home, I will again fill the lonely places with strokes of my paintbrush.
Thank you Dana for the Who I Am writing project. This month’s prompt has been especially timely as busy end of the school year schedules and the demands of soccer season threaten to drown the creative child inside me.
If you’d like to participate in the Who I Am project, visit Dana’s blog, Kiss My list.
How have you changed since you were a child?
Thanks for getting thoughtful with me!
Oh how this spoke to me! It’s so easy to lose ourselves in our roles as parents and that creative, inner child who still exists deep inside us. Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope you are able to seen find time for your paintbrush.
Wow! Thanks for sharing. Please continue to cultivate your creativity. Those drawings are beautiful. (Hoping to see your words in print soon as well!)
Thanks for the encouragement, Jennifer. I hope so too!
I feel you, girl. Time, time. But I’ve recently begun to think that it’s because of my children, not in spite of them, that really got me writing – what inspiration they’ve been! And who knows if we really would have explored our creative sides had we been in other careers with a demanding job, without children…?
I always love these posts. And Julia, you are a wonderful artist! I’m looking into the future and am seeing an author/illustrator…oh yes I am!
You’re so right, Amy. Motherhood as a “career” allows for more flexibility for creativity – at least for me. 😊 Good point as always. And someday, maybe illustrations will happen. 😉
Yes to this: “I will make sure my inner child thrives alongside my offspring.” I hope you do! Your drawings are really good – nurture that talent, Julia.
Bev (my co-host for this project) recently published an ebook “The Busy Mom’s Guide to Creativity.” She touches on the points you bring up here! What an interesting peek into what makes Julia tick – as always, I enjoyed getting to know you a bit better.
Wow – those are good, Julia. The years will fly by and, before you thought possible, you’ll be sketching again!