For Wondrous Words Wednesday, a look at the word discipline. To find more word discussions visit Kathy, blogger at Bermuda Onion and hostess of the Wondrous Words meme, where people share interesting words they’ve discovered.
A child of mine tried to sneak out of the house this morning with something forbidden. (I’m keeping details vague because sometimes my kids read my blog, and I don’t need to receive any more glares than I already do.) Needless to say, the situation called for yelling , lecturing , discipline. I’m trying hard these days not to over react, and before I addressed the mischievous child, I reminded myself of the original meaning of “discipline.”
Discipline dates back to the 13th century and took its meaning from the Old French word descepline “physical punishment, teaching,” and from Latin disciplina : “instruction given, teaching, learning, knowledge”. The militaristic meaning “orderly conduct as a result of training” comes from about 1500. Thanks, etymonline.com.
“Instruction given” – that’s the piece I clung to while speaking with my child about honesty and communication. The kids are getting older, and I want to balance limits and consequences with teaching. As a good friend said to me recently, soon my children will not be under my constant supervision (e.g.they will take off in a car with friends), and I will have to trust that they make good decisions.
Yikes. Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart.
Hopefully, they will remember lessons and not lectures. But I’m already accused of ranting, so…
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about strict parental guidelines, but I don’t want my discipline to be so harsh that my children get frustrated and miss the wisdom I’m trying to impart.
What does the word discipline mean to you? Where do you stand on the punishment/ lesson continuum?
Thanks for getting thoughtful with me, and don’t forget to visit Kathy and the Wondrous Words Wednesday meme.
Julia
Hi Julia,
I was on the same track as Alia who shared about weight loss. In my book that was recently published, I talk about discipline. A friend of mine who struggles with her weight will always say to me, “I’m not as disciplined as you.” I learned from the word discipline (as Lisa pointed out) came the word disciple. Being a disciple can be following something or someone you love. So, in the area of losing weight, being disciplined in adopting a healthy lifestyle can translate to loving yourself. That’s good inspiration to be disciplined! On the child rearing front, my son is now 29, so… it’s been a while. But I mostly used instruction as the discipline. However, when pushed too far, I’d lose it and yell. He always remembers those few times because it was so rare. So…. not proud of it, but I know he didn’t want to upset me! : )
Hi Jackie! I love the idea of embracing discipline as a way to love yourself. Loving yourself sounds so much better than counting calories, and it emphasizes a more holistic approach. Good luck with your book. Tell us the title! And thanks for adding to the conversation.
Hi Julia,
I know it is about 4 years since this original post. I just came across your page when searching for the meaning of discipline. I am currently studying health and nutrition, and was framing discipline in a way that clients seeking to get healthy and lose weight could use. So often weight loss is all about “discipline” in sticking to a rigid, calorie controlled eating regime. However, if I were to reframe it to reflect the true meaning of discipline, to teach and learn, then it becomes the clients commit to learning each day and gaining knowledge. It makes the whole weight loss road an exciting personal experiment, rather than a drill sergeant’s orders. 🙂
I also have a 5 month old, and it regularly crosses my mind as to how I will one day teach him, and deal with disciplining him. If I reframe discipline to meaning teaching, as opposed to simply punishing, then I can be more creative in this realm.
Thank you for your words.
Alia, thank YOU for your thoughtful response to my post. I too have worked in health and nutrition, and I understand exactly what you mean. I hope the “gaining knowledge” perspective will help you and your clients grow toward your goals!
Good luck with that five month old. The tricky part comes when he gets mobile!
Thanks for stopping by and adding such wonderful ideas to the conversation.
I’m still working on how to best instruct my kids. It seems like what works for one doesn’t help the other!
Exactly Jen- discipline has as much to do with parental learning as child learning. I struggle with the same thing. Every child is so different. But that keeps it interesting.
Instruction given is really the perfect definition for discipline but that doesn’t work that well with some children. Since we had an only child, he was pretty self motivated and didn’t need a lot of discipline as he got older. I had plenty of friends who struggled to find a happy medium when it came to discipline. This is a great word for discussion!!
I am of Margot’s era, and spanking was the norm. That is not accepted these days, and I agree with “no hitting”. My sister, a social worker and counselor of violent men, always told me, remember the meaning of discipline, “teaching & learning”. I tried to impart that to my children. But raising children is hard!
Natural consequences for actions are what we aim for. I’m a yeller, and sometimes I see the glazed look in a kid’s eyes and I know my words aren’t being heard. Sitting down with the kid later on works better for me.
Lysa TerKuerst says: let the consequences scream so you don’t have to. You bring up a great point. Sometimes those natural consequences, like a bad grade or poor performance, speak louder than anything we can say.
It is not easy being a parent.
Wow, Julia. In our family we are still talking about the definition of competition from last week. Now we’re moving on to discipline!? You are giving us much to ponder. (That’s a good thing.)
My children are disciplining the grandchildren differently. My generation believed in spanking, etc. It was the way we were raised. As my children reached elementary school age we shifted to “discussion” of choices and consequences. We were aiming towards self-discipline. There were time when we had to intervene for their safety and protection.
The early teen years were very challenging for self-discipline. My husband and I tried to be creative in how we had to intervene but often we had to simply say NO. However, by the time they were 16/17 they were able to confidently fly on their own. I wish I’d had the Jim Rohn quote back then. It would have fit in nicely with my discussion/sermon/rant.
By the way, all three of my kids are now in their 40s and are functioning, successful adults. Yours will get there too. I promise they will not even remember your ranting voice. Mine now tell me we did what we had to do to get them to where they are now (with the exception of the spanking – lol).
These are encouraging words of wisdom, Margot. I definitely want to direct my kids toward self-discipline, with a gradual backing off of “control”. I’m also trying to remind myself that they will probably make some bad choices, but that’s part of the learning process, and if I handle those situations correctly, they will gain wisdom from those experiences.
Whew!
My kids are well past the teenage years. Good discipline takes a lot of patience and wisdom. I was sorely lacking many times during their teen years *sigh*
BUT, they’ve all grown up into wonderful adults *whew* and seem to like me 🙂
Good to know, Mary! There is hope.
I do like the stress on the teaching and learning aspect of this word. Look at the origins of the words “discipline” and “disciple.” A disciple is a student, follower, or believer. Thinking about it that way, we would want our kids to be exactly those things when it comes to the rules and values we put in place for them. Ranting and yelling doesn’t really work, does it? I think kids – everyone, really – are willing to accept rules or lessons if they are able to understand why those things are good for them, rather than just blindly following. Sure, they should follow simply because we are the parent and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. But when kids (teens especially) can see the logic and sense behind the rules, they are more apt to buy-in.
My husband and I were struggling with how to discipline an irresponsible teenager just this weekend … ugh. We disagreed over exactly what should be done, and I don’t know if any learning took place on the part of the teen. 🙁