I’ve always said the month of May is crazier than Christmas. End of school year activities bombard my calendar, and I often feel like I’m treading water with bricks tied to my ankles. However, this May, the schedule is just as bad, but my attitude is better. I recently had an epiphany after receiving the same message three different ways in one morning.
It came first via my morning devotional from the book I’ve Been Thinking… Reflections, Prayers, and Meditations for a Meaningful Life by Maria Shriver. It’s a collection of devotions on everything from grief to fortitude. In the segment, “When life throws you a curveball”, Shriver writes, “’Going internal’ – pausing, reflecting, meditating—allows us to bring sanity into our daily lives. It makes us better people, better professionals, and better leaders. It’s better for our brains and our bodies. It’s better for our self-respect. It’s better for the creative spirit that lives inside all of us.”
I took a deep breath and held those words close to my soul. Shriver’s recommendation to “go internal” was just what I needed before I left the quiet of my bedroom to start the day’s, and the month’s, many, many tasks.
Then later, with my sons, I read from Mother Teresa’s book Everything Starts from Prayer: Mother Teresa’s Meditations on Spiritual Life for People of all Faiths. The passage said, “Man needs silence. To be alone or together looking for God in silence. There it is that we accumulate the inward power which we distribute in action, put in the smallest duty and spend in the severest hardships that befall us. Silence came before creation, and the heavens were spread without a word.”
I’ve heard words like this before, but this time, I didn’t just hear them. I embraced them, because I needed them.
Interior silence is very difficult but we must make the effort. In silence we will find new energy and true unity.
Mother Teresa, Everything Starts from Prayer
Finally, late that morning, the message hit me a third time. I was lying on a massage table, and the therapist found a tight, angry muscle that ran along my spine from my shoulder blade to my hip. “My goodness,” she said. “What did you do?”
“Life,” I replied. I’ve been doing life. I’ve got four kids, one husband, and an overflowing mind. I exercise, eat my veggies, but I rarely pause. Silence is hard for me; stillness even harder. But Maria Shriver, Mother Teresa, and my massage therapist were all telling me the same thing: slow down. And finally, I’m wise enough to listen. I need to balance “doing” with “pausing” because, quite frankly, the alternative doesn’t work.
In the past, during frantic times, when I’ve chosen all chaos and no silence, I’ve ended up crashing physically and mentally. I’ve gotten so overwhelmed with doing that I’ve lashed out at the very people I’m doing all the stuff for.
This May is going to be different. When I feel my chest tighten or my stomach twist or the urge to rush frantically into a long to do list, I will heed the whispered call to “go internal”. I will give myself permission to pause, even if it’s just for five minutes, and immerse myself in quiet. I will trade the spiraling, self-depreciating script of “I can’t do this, there’s too much, I’ll never get it all done” for silence.
I’m a week in, and so far, this balancing thing is going well. How about you? During this busy month of May, will you give yourself permission to find some silence?
I hope so.
Thanks for getting nerdy with me!
I love this post. You’re right, May is an incredibly busy month and I have been struggling to find balance (and time! there’s never enough of it…which is why I haven’t been reading my favorite blogs-like this one–lately). I, too, will attempt to embrace internal silence.
I’m glad you liked it, and I hope you will truly give yourself permission to pause. I’ve been behind on my reading too- don’t worry- but I’m always glad to hear from you when you have time. 🙂
Um. Yes. How did you know? (oh, right, b/c we are basically the same person :))))
Basically. :). Your turn to have a senior graduating- tag, you’re it! (And you also therefore qualify for EXTRA pauses).