This is my third post for the Who I Am project, a year-long writing adventure focusing on all the little things that make me, me. This month’s prompt: habits.
I’m gonna admit something embarrassing: I was a pudgy kid.
I liked to play outside, but I also liked to eat. And watch re-runs of Happy Days and Welcome Back, Kotter every day after school. Eventually, those habits left a mark around my middle, and Mom had to order “pretty plus” sizes for me from the Sears catalog.
Fortunately, before my teenage years hit, I learned to balance these indulgent habits with some healthier ones. Several influences conspired to create this shift:
First, in sixth grade I started playing soccer and realized I liked running, sports, and competition. One of my few good memories from middle school comes from Presidential Physical Fitness testing in seventh grade, when we had to run the 600 (the 1980’s version of the mile). I was in third place on the final stretch and closing in on the boy in second. He glanced back at me and said, “Yikes! It’s a girl!” The fear in his eyes was exhilarating. My love of running began.- Second, I developed an interest in boys, which prompted an interest in my appearance, which prompted a not entirely healthy obsession with calories consumed and calories burned. By eighth grade, I’d shed my “pretty plus pounds”. I’m determined to never get them back.
- Third, I discovered the power of endorphins. Here’s what they do: make you feel awesome! My mom had a chronic illness which brought a fair amount of tension into our family life. I learned that I could escape the stressful atmosphere when I went outside to run or bike, and that the “feel-goodness” of my activity lasted for a few hours.
And so a habit was born.
Thirty years later, I still exercise to manage my weight and my stress. Yes, I have four children, and running is my Valium. The kids and hubby know: when Mom is cranky, send her out for a run. I don’t need a race to motivate me, although they are fun. I don’t need a running partner to keep me accountable, although a long run is so much more therapeutic when swapping rants with a good friend. Unfortunately, every friend I’ve ever run with has moved away or started to work full-time, so I’m currently hesitant to enlist running companionship. But, I know someone training for her first 5K, and, my runner’s enthusiasm is kicking in…
My habit has a positive focus, fitness and health, but I can’t deny that two negative emotions also drive me: the fear of gaining weight and the fear of poor health. Although I’ve got 45 years of wisdom to my name, I still have issues with body image. When I tell my daughter, “Your body is strong and beautiful and you can do awesome things with it, so enjoy it!” I’m speaking to both of us. Also, I spent my formative years watching my mother’s body deteriorate, and it scared me. I exercise to stay strong and functional for as long as I can. Aging is inevitable, poor health doesn’t have to be. (Not that Mom could do anything to prevent her illness, but it doesn’t hurt to try…)
As my Oma (grandmother) always said, “It’s a great life, if you don’t weaken.”
What is a habit defines you, and when did you start practicing it? I’d love to know more about who you are…
See what others have to say about quirks and habits via the Who I Am project, hosted by Dana and Bev.
Thanks for stopping by!
Running is something that I’ve never enjoyed. I will walk and walk and walk but running? Not so much. I love your grandmother’s saying. Definitely words to live by!
Well, walking and walking and walking works too! 😉 As long as you don’t weaken. Thanks for stopping by!
I was a pudgy kid, and I’m a pudgy adult. I do notice the difference when I can’t get to the gym though – definitely takes its toll on the ol’ mental health. Glad you keep finding new people to run with 🙂
This your discovery of a healthier way as a kid is much better than having a reality check at say age 30 after so many years of bad habit. Exercise definitely makes me feel better, but it’s not something I want to go and do if I’m in a bad mood. If I have it planned though I will be in a bad mood if that carved out time is interrupted. I enjoyed your post. And good question – a habit that defines me… I can’t think of an answer for that.
Thanks, Kenya!
Like you I was a pudgy kid. Unlike you, I never really learned to love running. I do it because it’s good for me, but I can’t say I really love it. It’s wonderful to hear how positively this habit has affected your life. Now I’m going to go put out my gym clothes and make no excuses about getting to the gym tomorrow.
I enjoyed this post, Julia. Thank you for sharing. Loved your grandmother’s saying, “It’s a great life, if you don’t weaken.” The “Who I Am” project sounds intriguing…I may look into after April’s A-Z challenge.
I love how you became a runner and have to admit running was the one thing I seriously hated when I was younger, especially having to run in high school gym class for the mile that made us do every spring and train for. Maybe if running had not been such a chore then, I would like it more now. But still, sounds like all great reasons for running and definitely enjoyed reading your memories of why and how you got so into it 🙂
Thanks Janine!
This is such an interesting story about how you got into running, especially the different facets that motivated you to begin and have kept you going after all of these years. I’m not a runner, but I have felt amazing after the handful of 5k’s I have ran in. Thanks for sharing your story!
Thanks for hosting!
So interesting! I really love these honest, vulnerable posts. They are so readable and relatable. Body issues are so strong with us women, aren’t they? Sigh. I can only imagine how your mother’s decline must have affected you. I’m glad you love to run…it’s my valium, too 🙂
Just another thing we have in common! ;). I’m glad you enjoy these posts… Kinda different for the Word Nerd. Thanks for your support. 🙂
Ah, I too love running! And I too can relate to loving it for how it makes you feel, but also because you fear the weight gain. I didn’t start running until after college when I had pounds to lose, and the easiest way seemed to be to get on a treadmill. I really hated it at first, but after the weight was lost, I realized I still loved how it made me feel, so I kept doing it. Now (11 years later) I train more seriously for distance races (not that I’m at ALL fast, mind you, but I do train…), but whenever I’m between races or I miss some training time due to illness/injury, the niggling thought in the back of my head is always there, telling me that time off will lead to laziness, poor health, weight gain. When in reality, I know I eat well enough now (way better than I ever did in college!) for a few days (or weeks!) off to not matter. It’s hard to remove those voices from your brain though, especially if you started exercising for a weight or health related reason, and not just for fun.
“Niggling” – an excellent word to describe those voices. Glad you share this healthy habit! 🙂
I knew you were a runner, but I didn’t know how early in life that love for running started. While I don’t care for running, I do love feeling strong and fit. I think our habits will serve us well as we get older! So glad you’re documenting your story with us, Julia.
Are habits are definitely going to help us- especially your sunblock habit. I seriously need to adopt that one. I always protect my face… Need to get the hands and arms.