If I’m honest, Christmas is a difficult holiday for me. I find the gaudy decorations and the pressure to buy gifts for friends and family overwhelming. I’m a mom of four, so Christmas means extra work, mentally and physically. It also means a flood of difficult memories, including putting my mother into a nursing home in December of 1995. She died a few weeks later, and to this day, I cannot listen to O Holy Night, her favorite carol, without crying.
The Christmas season, we’re constantly told, is about joy, however for some of us, especially this year, Christmas reminds us of loss. We feel pressure to feel happy when we really feel stress or pain. Don’t get me wrong, I love that my college aged children will be home, and we will enjoy family time playing games, sharing meals, and reconnecting. I look forward to pulling Christmas cards and letters out of the PO Box to see how family and friends have changed over the year. And of course I cherish that my God cared enough to send a savior down into this complicated world. Christmas, like so many other aspects of this life, is neither all good nor all bad, but a confusing mix of both.
This year, I’m doing my best to focus on the things about the holiday that bring me joy and to worry less about the stuff that stresses me out. I can’t eliminate gift giving or other essential features of the Christmas, but I can do my best to simplify. In her devotional Preparing My Heart for Advent, author Ann Marie Stewart wisely points out, “Love is more important that perfect lights, decorated cookies, and the tallest spruce in the front window. This Christmas, give yourself permission to simplify with a nativity set and a few votive candles. Simplification may add more peaceful quality time and help you celebrate the heart and soul of Christmas.” I’m trying to apply her advice.
Despite what Walmart, Target, and Amazon try to sell us, Christmas doesn’t have to be about MORE or THINGS or MORE THINGS. It can be about quiet. It should be about peace. Figure out what troubles you the most and get rid of it or minimize it. Lower your standards on what doesn’t matter and save your precious time, energy, and money for things that bring you joy. If that means you don’t decorate much this year, fine. Choose to bake fewer cookies? Also good! Forgo the annual Christmas card and letter? Whatever works to help you get through a complicated season at the end of an exhausting year.
If you, like me, find Christmas challenging, first, know that you are not alone, and second, give yourself permission to embrace what brings you joy and forget about the rest. Christmas started out simple, and it’s okay to keep it that way.
Merry Christmas!
Thanks for getting simple with me.
Great post. Some of my fondest memories of childhood surround Christmas. My mother did all she could to make Christmas exciting – and she did well. Some of my fondest memories of raising our own children surround Christmas. It is great to experience the excitement of childhood Christmas, but it is greater still to produce that excitement in one’s own children.
But, children grow up and leave home, and in the case of our children, move far away. I am a pastor and moved my family to NW IA in 1987. As our children reached adulthood, they moved back to the SE of the US where I come from. They have good lives there and I do not begrudge them that. But, without children and other loved ones around, Christmas is just another day. In some sense, I long for a busier Christmas. I wish there was a reason for lots of decorating, meal preparation, house cleaning and all the anticipation of guests (after all, my wife does most of that work! LOL).
However, even though I cannot participate in the more festive aspects of Christianity, as a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, I am able to rejoice in the truth the day commemorates and give thanks to the God who did the impossible for the salvation of our souls.
As a pastor, I write articles and essays on various Scriptural matters. The following linked column is what I wrote to appear in our local paper on December 23. May it prove a blessing if you wish to read. And thanks again for you lovely post!
http://rvgrace.com/Blog/Articles/Articles/Perspectives-Column-for-December-23-2020/?link=1&fldKeywords=&fldAuthor=&fldTopic=0
Thank you for this insight- and the reminder to enjoy my family. I will keep this in mind and look forward to reading your column. Thanks for sharing. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you!
Julia,
I’m in for a simpler Christmas this year, too. One gift I’d like to get and give is simply time with my grown kids. It’s pretty clear that in the midst of a pandemic and everything else we’re facing right now, that time with loved ones is the most priceless gift of all. Thanks for this post.
Jane
Jane, this is wonderful! Yes, just being present to our loved ones is the best present, and I get that more and more as my kids get older. Thank you for sharing. 😊
Thank you, Julia. xoxo
Thank for this post! I am enjoying Christmas this year because I love all the decorating and cooking. This year there are no outside activities and pressures that get in the way of my joy. I am at peace and staying home doing the the things that make Christmas special. I’m reading a chapter in Luke each day, enjoying our virtual church service and love seeing our nativity lights each night. The joy continues as our youngest child is isolating his family to spend some time with us! Thank you God for so many blessings during this year of 2020! Merry Christmas !
Good for you to embrace what brings you the most joy, and you are right, a less busy calendar is one nice thing about Christmas in 2020! Thanks for sharing. 😊
Years ago, I was given a book from a friend, “Unplug the Christmas Machine”, similar message I believe. My most memorable Christmas with my Wytheville family was the year we waited too late to get a tree. In previous years we had bought the largest and fullest tree we could find, struggle to stand it, make sure it exactly touched the ceiling, tie it to the wall so the dog wouldn’t topple it and then decorate it to the hilt. That year, we struggled at the last minute to find any tree with little luck. But some wonderful friends found a real tree, not grown on a farm and manicured, but a real Christmas tree, and brought it to us as a gift. It was shorter that we wanted, somewhat scrawny and we didn’t worry about it toppling. But it has been my favorite tree ever. I have similar sentiments about the Christmas celebrations for different reasons, but your words always cheer me and make me feel I’m more normal than I sometimes think. Thanks Julia!
David, this a great story and perfectly fits what I was trying to express! Thank you for sharing and Merry Christmas!