Diary of a Word Nerd

How Boston’s Freedom Trail inspired me, just in time for July

Posted on July 5, 2024 by Julia Tomiak / 0 Comment

I thought I knew a lot about the founding of our great nation. I’ve lived in Virginia for 45 years and grew up just outside of Washington, D.C. My first job was at George Washington’s home, Mt. Vernon, and I attended The University Thomas Jefferson built. Monticello is one of my favorite places, for the gardens, the library, and Jefferson’s many inventions and interests. (Don’t worry, I’m also aware of Jefferson’s flaws, including his slave owning, his fathering of illegitimate children with slaves, and his snipping of Jesus’s miracles out of his Bible.) Over the years, I’ve wandered the dusty paths of Williamsburg and Jamestown several times, accompanying each of my four children during their epic FOURTH GRADE TRIP.

The point is, I thought I had this founding of our nation thing covered.

I was wrong.

Picture of the Old State House in Boston — The Old State House, Boston MA

I’ve never been to New England, so last month, our family took an adventure to Boston. My nephew lives there and recommended The Freedom Trail as a good way to get to know the city, and wow, I learned a ton. Washington, Jefferson, Madison, all great Virginians, did a lot for our country. But those people from Boston? Samuel Adams, Benjamin Franklin (was born there and later moved to Philly,) and Paul Revere? We wouldn’t have our liberty without them.

The Freedom Trail starts at the beautiful park called Boston Common, where English soldiers once ran drills in front of nervous Boston settlers. In the middle of the park, there’s a statue called “The Embrace,” made up of two sets of arms hugging. It honors Martin Luther King, Jr. and his wife, Coretta Scott King, and their legacy in Boston. The couple met in the city, and King gave a speech there in 1965. The Freedom Trail has a few stops near the park, then weaves through the city, leading curious followers past churches and meeting houses, the very spots where brave men gathered to plan resistance. Each stop on The Freedom Trail has a historical marker explaining its significance, and over the course of the two-and-a-half-mile walk, I developed a deeper appreciation for the boldness of the people of Boston.

Photo of The Embrace statue, Boston Common — The Embrace, Boston Common

I was struck by two things. First, I have not given Benjamin Franklin enough attention. Yes, Jefferson was and is considered a Renaissance man, but Franklin was just as, if not more, interesting. He invented many useful items, including lightning rods and bifocals, and established institutions critical to our democracy, such as the first public library. Hubby and I have already started watching the Apple TV Series “Franklin” (starring Michael Douglas), and I’m seeking recommendations for a good biography. (A friend suggested An American Life by Walter Issacson. Any others?)

The second revelation hit me in the shadow of the Old North Church tower. That’s where, in April 1775, Sexton Robert Newman lit lanterns- one if by land and two if by sea- to signal the arrival of British forces and send Paul Revere on his famous ride. If these everyday people could risk their lives to gain freedom, don’t we owe it to them to do whatever we can now to protect it?

Photo of Paul Revere's statue in front of the Old North Church tower — Paul Revere’s Statue with The Old North Church tower in the background

We complain a lot these days about the fractured state of our country and the stagnation of partisan politics. But surely, those people in Boston in the 1770s, living with British soldiers under their noses, had it worse. And they figured a way out. We can too.

Happy belated Fourth of July everyone, and let’s take this moment to consider the history of where we’ve been and use that to decide where we want to go.

Can you recommend any books about Franklin or Boston?

Thanks for getting nerdy with me!

Book reviews

Uncover a gripping novel that addresses racism with honesty

Posted on June 21, 2024 by Julia Tomiak / 0 Comment

I’m a bit of a fan girl when it comes to authors. At a recent writing conference, I realized I was standing behind Jeff Zentner as I waited to check into the hotel. I almost tapped him on the shoulder to say hi, but restrained myself. Later, when he was signing a book for me, I gushed, “I’ve used a few of your novels as comp titles. I love your work.” He was friendly and appreciative.

This weekend, I’m going to have another opportunity to fan girl. David Joy, author of “southern grit” books that tackle tough issues like racism and the opioid crisis, is coming to my little town to speak at our little creative writing awards ceremony. I can’t wait to hear what he has to say about Those We Thought We Knew, his most recent release. To prepare, of course I read it. And here’s what I think of this well crafted novel that tackles the issue of racism in a small North Carolina town.

The Premise

Set in a small town in the mountains of Western North Carolina, Those We Thought We Knew explores the issue of racism with brutal honesty. However, author David Joy tackles this incendiary topic with nuance and deliberation, being careful to include multiple perspectives.

A young black woman named Toya visits Sylva, NC for the summer. She wants to finish her graduate art thesis and learn more about her heritage while living with her maternal grandmother. At the same time, a high-ranking member of the Klu Klux Klan also travels to Sylva with unclear motives. An act of vandalism at the local courthouse stirs up protest, followed promptly by a murder and a separate assault. The residents of Sylva, including its longstanding Sheriff, must wrestle with complicated questions, including the meaning behind a Confederate statue at the center of town, and the unspoken differences between black and white residents that have gone unacknowledged for years.

What I liked

Like in When These Mountains Burn, Joy skillfully manipulates pace and multiple points of view to keep readers engaged. Tension fills nearly every page, and I finished the novel in just three days. Joy uses natural elements such as fire, rain, and snakes to deepen his descriptions and tie the story to its mountain setting. The characters are well developed and compelling, and the dialogue is snappy, contributing to the brisk pace.

Here’s how one of his main characters, Toya, uses a metaphor to describe racism:

The tree with the deepest roots in this country is a tree of White supremacy. And the things is, you don’t have to be the one who planted that tree… to be someone who directly benefits from the shade it provides. There’s a whole lot of people sitting comfortably under that tree, and some of them recognize where they’re sitting and just won’t do anything about it because they like where they’re sitting, and then there are are some of them who won’t even acknowledge that the tree’s there at all. Maybe they don’t acknowledge it because they can’t see it, or maybe they just don’t want to see it, but in the end none of that matters because they’re all benefiting from the same thing.
Those We Thought We Knew, David Joy

I’ve seen Those We Thought We Knew described as “bracingly honest.” Joy’s prose embraces nuance, carefully dissecting the many layers of how we think about and discuss (or don’t discuss) race. His characters struggle both internally and in their interactions with others to figure out how they feel about race. And so does any reader paying the slightest bit of attention. It’s a sobering exercise.

What I didn’t like

Some aspects of the plot felt “convenient” or unbelievable. I don’t want to give anything away, but at a few points, I had to suspend some disbelief to buy how things unfolded. However, I enjoyed the story and its themes enough to overlook these flaws. The deft handling of racism, and other potent aspects of life, including grief, and complicated family dynamics, make Those We Thought We Knew a worthwhile read.

Recommendation

Readers who are “tired of being hit over the head” about racism should probably skip this novel. But it’s such an important issue for our time, I hope you will consider reading Those We Thought We Knew. I love reading and contemplating issues surrounding racism, and some of my other favorite fiction books about this topic include Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult, and Paradise and The Bluest Eye, by Toni Morrison.

Thanks for getting nerdy with me!

Who I Am

Finding hope and inspiration at graduation

Posted on June 14, 2024 by Julia Tomiak / 1 Comment

I never imagined I’d hear about human trafficking or NARCAN at a graduation ceremony, but welcome to 2024.

This spring, I attended seven graduation ceremonies, which means I heard a lot of speeches and several renditions of Pomp and Circumstance. Although the classic graduation march left me with a somber earworm, all of the smiling faces framed by mortar boards did more to boost my optimism than I expected. Even the steady rain in Charlottesville at my daughter’s closing exercises couldn’t get me down.

Can you see The Rotunda, out there beyond the umbrellas?

While attending graduation for our school division’s technology center, which specializes in career and technical education, I was impressed by the various skills students learned. These kids know how to plumb and wire a house, assess A/C issues in a car, and take vital signs. However, some of the certifications they earned made me sad. Of course, nursing students need training for serious issues. The nursing students were recognized for, among other things, training in “Stop the Bleed”, a three-step technique to stop bleeding and save lives. (Thank you, school shooters.) And of course, they know how to use NARCAN to revive someone who has overdosed.

But then came the cosmetology students. They were acknowledged for training in proper sterilization techniques (understandable) but also for assessing clients for risk of domestic abuse or human trafficking. At first, I was horrified, but when I considered most stylists come in contact with lots of women each day, it made sense.

Grim certifications to reflect the scary world we live in.

While it’s extremely sad that these teenagers need to know how to administer NARCAN, it’s also comforting that they do. Our world today presents many challenges, but our students are launching into adulthood with training to tackle these trials. And not only do they have skills, more importantly, they embrace compassion.

Life is better with friends. It is for these two.

In almost all the student speeches I heard, as well as in student interviews from my podcast feed, young people talked about the importance of connection. Many 2024 college graduates didn’t have a proper high school graduation in 2020. The specter of COVID still stretches over them. But, I’m hopeful these students, who heard too many lectures via Zoom and spent as much time in Google Classroom as physical academic spaces, now understand one of life’s most important lessons: people matter. Friendships save us. Living is more fun when you do it with others. Over and over, in gyms, auditoriums, and on the soaked grass of The Lawn, voices spoke to importance of relationships. In ceremonies dedicated to academic success, these kids were encouraging their peers to prioritize meaningful interaction with other people.

The world feels scary, but thousands of students, armed with knowledge and compassion, are marching out to meet the challenges. That gives me great comfort.

Thanks for getting nerdy with me!

Improving vocabulary

Learn more about graduation traditions, especially that silly hat

Posted on May 17, 2024 by Julia Tomiak / 1 Comment

What did I say in last week’s Mother’s Day post? That May caused chaos in the daily planner? As I write this, I am also baking, packing, and checking the reminders list for things our family will need as we celebrate my daughter’s college graduation. It’s an exciting time. And I hope I’ve purchased enough breakfast food.

I’ve already attended one graduation ceremony, and as a school board member, I will attend four more, not including my daughter’s. You know what that means? LOTS of “Pomp & Circumstance,” and lots of looking at tassels bobbing around on square shaped hats that always seem to be sliding off graduate’s heads.

For graduation season 2024, I am recycling (so sustainable of me!) a piece from 2018 that I did on several graduation traditions, including the funny hat (aka “mortar board”) and “Pomp & Circumstance.” Read on and learn!

graduates in black robes standing together — Photo credit: Alan Light via flickr CC-BY

My son pulled his wrinkled graduation gown out of its packaging and asked, “Why do I have to wear a dress?” Good question. And while we are at it, why do graduates have to wear a square shaped hat called a mortar board that does not look attractive at any angle, nor does it stay on, despite the use of several bobby pins? And what’s up with “Pomp and Circumstance,” the march played at nearly every graduation ceremony?

The Gown

Turns out the “dress”, or rather the graduation gown, has history dating back to the 12th and 13th centuries. Back in the Medieval Period, students and teachers wore clerical clothing (clothing worn by church officials) because the church had great influence over academics, and many teachers were priests, monks, or clerics. The “academic regalia”, like the clothing of church officials, distinguished scholars from laypeople. It is also believed that academics wore long robes with hoods to keep warm in the unheated buildings where they studied.

Scholars wore robes all the time, and Oxford and Cambridge were the first schools to require special graduation attire. In the 14th century, these British schools forbade “excessive apparel” at institutions of learning and required long gowns during ceremonies to promote unity among academics. By the 1800s, different colored robes were introduced to signify different areas of study.

The European style of academic regalia came to America with the colonists. After the Civil War, American students wore caps and gowns only at graduation ceremonies to symbolize recognition and achievement. Until the 1950s, robes were usually gray, but during the 50s, students adopted different colors to represent their schools or areas of study. In modern times, high school robes are usually school colors, while bachelor and master degree graduates wear black robes, and doctoral graduates wear a colored robe representing their field of study. Administrators, officials, and professors often wear a robe slightly different in style from the robes students wear.

The Mortar Board

picture of graduates wearing mortar boards

The history of the mortar board, a skull cap with a large square board on top that looks like the board masons use to hold plaster, is also intimately tied to the church. The shape of the cap has changed since the Medieval Period, based on changes to hat styles worn by priests and clerics. The odd shaped cap has shown both the association of academics to the church, and, in later years, the separation of academics from religion.

Historians believe the square shaped hat was adopted for academic regalia for one of several reasons: the square shape symbolizes a book; the square shape symbolizes a quad at Oxford; the shape represents the board of a master workman. The tassels are worn on the cap as a sign of distinction, and although there are no official rules on where the tassel should be worn, most schools hold to the tradition of degree candidates starting the ceremony with the tassel on their right and flipping it over to the left during commencement.

After participating in many graduations, I can tell you that darn cap shifts around like a skate board and the tassel never stays put. To my son and graduates everywhere I say, do the best you can, at least you don’t have to wear it that often.

Pomp and Circumstance

Besides the classic cap and gown, graduation ceremonies are almost always characterized by Pomp and Circumstance, a somber march composed by the British musician Sir Edward Elgar in 1901. His march, named after a line from Shakespeare’s play Othello (“Pride, pomp, and circumstance of glorious war!”) wasn’t originally used for graduation ceremonies but rather for the coronation of King Edward VII.

Pomp and Circumstance became associated with graduations in 1905 when it was played as Elger received an honorary doctorate from Yale University. After that, prestigious schools like Princeton, Columbia, and the University of Chicago started using it during graduation ceremonies, and other schools followed suit. The term Pomp and Circumstance has come to mean “splendid celebration with ceremony and fuss”.

Fuss indeed. There are senior pictures and cap and gown pictures and wear the t-shirt for the college you will be attending pictures. There are announcements and parties and, as I realized when I walked into Walmart yesterday, cakes. (Yikes! Do I need to order one?) There are Baccalaureate Services, awards assemblies and the big one: graduation itself. And this sentimental mother could cry when she thinks of the momentous shift about to occur in her child’s life, but for now, I’m holding strong, proud of the accomplishments achieved and excited for opportunities ahead. The goal is to launch, and the “dress”, cap, and “Pomp”, all remind me- we have reached the goal.

The tears will come when I have to hug my son, say goodbye, and turn and walk out of a dorm room. But until then, I’ll focus on the happy.

Congratulations to graduates of every school and subject this May.

Sources:

Academic Regalia Tams and Caps
Graduation Cap and Gown History
Graduation Rites Have Ancient History
MIT: Regalia History
Time History

What are your thoughts on “the dress” and mortar board?

Thanks for getting nerdy with me!

Who I Am

What this mom REALLY wants for Mother’s Day

Posted on May 10, 2024 by Julia Tomiak / 1 Comment

My husband recently referred to me as the “comptroller” of the next big family event: college graduation for child #2. I chuckled and thanked him for acknowledging my responsibility (read: stress) around the situation. Then, Word Nerd that I am, I looked up comptroller, an appropriate descriptor for me as I do like to control things. But I wondered, why the “mp” instead of “n”?

According to Investopedia.com, “a comptroller is a high-level executive that oversees the accounting tasks and financial reporting procedures of organizations. The comptroller oversees all accounting including accounts receivable, payroll, and loan transactions.”

I am definitely chief accountant and financial organizer for our family. I pay the bills, check the balances, send the students their loans. But I also do much, much more.

Like, I know where the sunblock is (kitchen bathroom), and how much dog food is left in Scout’s container under the laundry room sink, and that Alex doesn’t like raisins, Rosie doesn’t eat gluten, Josh doesn’t enjoy Thai, and Eli hates tomatoes. And I make cooking accommodations as appropriate.

The trouble is, most people don’t notice this important intelligence, don’t realize the coordinating that goes on in the mind of a mother. Moms work under a cloak of invisibility to keep lives running smoothly and people living happily. It’s a fulfilling job, especially on the rare occasions when I am gathered with one or more of my family members enjoying a board game, a hike, or a thoughtful conversation. However, it is physically and emotionally exhausting.

Kelly Corrigan, on her podcast, recently devoted an essay to the hard work of mothers. In it, she suggested that instead of using intense adjectives, such as “breathtaking” and “heartbreaking” to describe sports, (at this particular season, golf), we should use them to describe mothers. I approve.

Yet, I don’t really want or need glowing adjectives. As Mother’s Day 2024 approaches, I’m asking my family, and society as a whole, for two simple things. First, acknowledgement and appreciation for all of that behind the scenes orchestrating I do to promote love and good health in our family and therefore, by extension, in the world. And second, a nap. Or at least time spent reclined on the couch reading a good book.

Wait, I lied, I want three things. Add to my list freedom from planning, preparing, or cleaning up ANY MEALs on Sunday, May 12.

I’m hopeful my desires will be met. The college kids say they will roll in this weekend. The oldest will call. That number four, though, I’m not sure. He’s 17 and reserved.

I would also like to give something to all of the mothers out there, particularly the ones younger than me. Two decades into this mothering gig, I want to save other moms precious time and energy. So please remember this statement: “No is a complete sentence.”

The Word Nerd is taking grammatical liberty here to make a point.

Graphic that says: "No is a complete sentence."

I do so, at the beginning of May, because, it is a truth universally acknowledged that May is worse than December for your daily planner. If you have kids at or below the age of 18, this month of the year is cluttered with teacher appreciation events, awards assemblies, field trips, field days, and end of year parties. There are gifts to buy, sunscreen and hats to pack, and, oh yes, food to prepare. Cupcakes, fruit dip, and brownies. Special kudos and sympathy if you have a senior graduating, because then we can add announcements, more parties, and a cap and gown to the to do list. And what if you are a mother AND a teacher!? I’m at a loss.

Mothers, I see you. I know it’s hard. So be easy on yourself.

I’m all about pitching in and showing appreciation to the hard-working people who educate our children. I’m not endorsing hiding on your bed for the month of May, but I do suggest finding boundaries. You don’t have to send food in to EVERY SINGLE classroom event plus volunteer for field day. Most importantly, don’t feel guilty about the things you can’t or choose not to do. Despite the myth culture spins at us, we cannot do everything. Something will give, most likely, you. If you are screaming to get your children loaded in the car to get to the awards ceremony because your calendar is too full and your energy too low, something has to change.

We do our best mothering when we are rested, fed, and appreciated.

Tomiak family photo 2023 — A rare moment together, 2023.

Moms, take a break. Families, take heed of my message. Everyone, Happy Mother’s Day!

Thanks for getting nerdy with me!

Words and Technology

Evaluate your technology use today for Digital Wellness Day!

Posted on May 3, 2024 by Julia Tomiak / 2 Comments

I know it seems like every day on the calendar now has a holiday associated with it (Siblings Day, Red Head Day, even Tater Tot Day– Feb 2, if you’re interested), but I want to share an important new one I just learned about: Digital Wellness Day. And it’s today, May 3. The idea of Digital Wellness Day is to pause and evaluate our relationship with technology. To make sure it’s a tool that is working for us, and not the other way around. And in this digital age, I think that’s a fantastic idea.

A few weeks ago, I shared about my anxiety and how I realized I needed to be more mindful about the content I choose to consume. May is revving up to be a stressful month, and more than ever, I need to choose my media wisely. A great podcast for positive thinking is one my daughter shared with me, called The Happiness Lab by Dr. Laurie Santos, a psychology professor at Yale. Recently, Dr. Santos introduced her listeners to Digital Wellness Day. She interviewed Amy Blankson, author of The Future of Happiness and Chief Evangelist for the Digital Wellness Institute. The two discussed a few things to try on Digital Wellness Day to make sure you have a healthy relationship with tech.

Digital Wellness Tip #1: Know your intentions

Blankson’s overarching point was that to use technology in a healthy way, we need to set intentions for how we use it. To do that, we need to determine our goals and see how they align with our technology use. So the first thing she recommends is naming your top three priorities in life. What is most important to you? Work? Success? Wealth? Creativity? Connection? Pause right now and come up with your three.

[Mine are faith, connection, health. Creativity is a close fourth, but we have to stick to three...]

Then, guess how much time you spend on your phone each day, AND what three apps you use the most. Go ahead. Do that now.

[Because I’ve read Digital Minimalism, I check my screen time and know it’s about four hours a day. I guessed my most used apps were iMessage, Podcasts, and Notes/ Evernote]

Blankson believes you can’t make change without knowing where you are, so the next step is to dig into your phone and see how your actual phone use lines up with your perceptions of your use AND your values. Open the settings on your phone and evaluate your screen time and app use. Ideally, your top three apps should align with your top three priorities. On iPhone, you can do this by going to Settings -> Screen Time-> See all app & website activity. Toggle around to see your weekly average daily screen time, most used apps, and number of pick ups.

I was happy to see my results!

This is about where I expected it.

Whoo hoo! My app use lined up with my expectations and goals as well! How about you?

See those timers by Instagram and Facebook? I have a 30 minute time limit set for social media apps. That’s called a “stopping cue,” and we’ll get to that in a minute…

I’m happy that, at least today, my phone us is balanced. But, I think a yearly (or quarterly) reminder to assess my technology use is a great idea.

Digital Wellness Tip #2: The “Really Rule”

You can listen to the podcast to hear Blankson’s explanation of The Really Rule, but it’s something I’m sure will sound familiar. Before you reach for your phone, or open Facebook, or play Connections, ask yourself, “Do I REALLY need to do that right now? Or is there something else, something that aligns better with my goals and values, that I can do now?”

[I also tend to use The Really Rule with food. E.g., before reaching for that bag of chocolate chips in the pantry, I ask myself, Are you really hungry, or are you tired and need a nap? Or, is this REALLY the best food to fuel your body right now?]

Self discipline is like a muscle, people. The more we use it, the stronger it gets. Trust me.

Digital Wellness Tip #3: Stopping cues

According to Blankson, we can use “Stopping Cues” to help us reign in our digital use. A stopping cue is any visual or auditory reminder that helps us step back or pause to evaluate. Few of us intend to spend half an hour watching Tik Tok puppy videos, but we open the app and …. wow, time flies. So any kind of cue – a timer, or an app limit, can stop us from losing too much time to our screens.

I have 30 minute app limits set on my phone for all social media apps. I also have all notifications turned off, so I’m only looking at the app when I choose to do so, and usually only once or twice a day.

Another example is my puppy timer. Every weekday morning, an alarm goes off at 6:55. This tells me to stop reading email/ scanning news stories/ scrolling through IG and walk my poor dogs who have been waiting since I fed them to go outside. Also because of Cal Newport and Digital Minimalism, I no longer take my phone to listen to podcasts on those walks. We listen to the birds. And sniff for deer.

Your turn!

Now that you have some tools, I encourage you to take time today, on Digital Wellness Day, to evaluate your technology habits and figure out how you can reach a healthy balance that isn’t phone addiction or technology avoidance, but something in between, a state Blankson calls “Digital Flourishing.” Ooo, I like the sound of that. Technology, like everything else, has pros and cons. I want to maximize the pros and make sure it’s a tool under my control, and not the other way around.

If you’re interested in this topic, check out my review of Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport.

How’d you do with step one, know your intentions? Are your values, expectations, and phone use lining up? How do you monitor your use of technology, and do you think this is an important issue?

Thanks for getting nerdy with me!