Who I Am

Striving for more kindness and less anger

Posted on by Julia Tomiak / 6 Comments

Yesterday, a guy flicked me off while I was driving home from my son’s high school. I was at a stop sign, at the end of a road that intersects at an odd angle with another curvy rural back road. While waiting for an oncoming truck to pass, I started to edge forward into the intersection. The truck approaching the intersection swerved a bit before passing by in front of me. As the truck drove through the intersection, its driver gave me a clear view of his middle finger.

“Well, that was unnecessary,” I said. Normal me would have had much more to say to the back end of that truck as it left the intersection. But lately, I’ve been re-evaluating normal me. Three things have caused some serious reflection lately.

First, it was a sermon from Dr. Scott Dudley, pastor at BelPres Church. Dudley said, “These days, Christians are just another special interest group, and they are angry like everyone else.” Ouch. That stuck with me. My faith shouldn’t just put me in a special interest category. It should influence the way I live. And anger is not a tenet of the Christian faith.

Then it was a comment Kelly Corrigan shared on a recent Friday “For the Good of the Order” podcast. (Oh, GOTO is so, so good, and it’s usually ten minutes or less. Please check it out.) In the episode “The Link Between Belief and Progress”, she shares a comment one of her followers, Megan, made on social media:

Tempering one’s anger or frustration matters. Each time we interact- by phone, by video, through a plastic screen or mask- the tone and tenor of our words and requests make a difference in the energy circulating throughout this country.

Megan

Wow. Isn’t that beautiful? Megan’s comment resonated with me and now is in the back of my mind every day as I shop for groceries and visit the post office. And as I respond to a man in a truck who flicks me off on Petunia Road.

Cover of The Book of Joy

Finally, I am currently reading The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World. It’s a collection of conversations between two spiritual giants- the current Dalai Lama and the late Archbishop Desmond Tutu. These men have much to say on finding joy, living compassion, and managing adversity. All with immense peace, grace, and humility. They point out that anger usually stems from fear or pain or both, and that we could ease conflict in the world by remembering that more often. They believe we all need to do a better job of seeing the world from multiple perspectives and to think less of ourselves and more of the collective community.

What are ways that you‘ve seen or heard to create more kindness and less anger?

Wishing you a very happy weekend and more grace, humility, and kindness.

Thanks for getting thoughtful with me.

How to encourage reading/News from book business

Nirvana Comics raises money to fight book banning

Posted on by Julia Tomiak / 4 Comments

There’s a trend sweeping across our country: banning books. Of course, challenging books is nothing new. You can visit the American Library Association (ALA) website and find titles of books that have been banned or challenged over the years. However, in 2021, books were challenged at a rate not seen for decades.

A rise in book challenges

According to a late November 2021 article from The Guardian (“US libraries report spike in organzised attempts to ban books in schools”), the ALA is reporting an “unprecedented rise” in attempts to get books removed from libraries.

ALA executive director Deborah Caldwell-Stone told The Guardian, “It’s a volume of challenges I’ve never seen in my time at the ALA – the last 20 years.” The Guardian reported that the ALA thinks viral posts on social media and conservative organizations are encouraging groups to get books removed from libraries, especially books dealing with LBGTQ issues or themes of racism.

A school board member from a district in my own state of Virginia recently suggested that books with controversial material should be burned!

This trend is concerning, but last week, a comic book store in Knoxville, TN fought back. (Shout out to my sister in law Julie for sharing this with me!)

A fight against book banning

Recently, the McMinn County School District in Tennessee banned the graphic novel Maus by Art Spiegleman because it contained strong language and graphic depictions of the Holocaust. In response, Nirvana Comics in Knoxville pledged to give a free copy to any student who wants to learn more about the Holocaust. As of January 31, 2022 the store had raised over $83, 000 for this project.

Maus, a graphic novel, tells the story of a man and his family (depicted as mice). They watch the Nazis (drawn as cats) rise to power, invade Poland, and send Jews to concentration camps. Spiegleman based Maus on interviews with his father, who survived Auschwitz. Maus won a Pulitzer Prize in 1992. The Wall Street Journal called it “the most affecting and successful narrative ever done about the Holocaust.”

I understand explicit material might concern parents, but most books present that material in a deeper context that provides insight and information relevant to students. Through difficult but important books like The Kite Runner, The Bluest Eye, and Maus, students can learn about, and importantly, understand more about, historical events. They can also gain better appreciation for people from different backgrounds and cultures.

I’m a Word Nerd and a book lover, and my children have ready access to books in our home on everything from racism to Russian history to the Civil War. However, not every child has books so readily available. Schools are often the best place for students to explore, question, and broaden their understanding of the world. We should not limit education.

There are two interesting ironies here. First, the Nazis notoriously used their power to suppress independent thought by banning and burning books. Is that what we want to imitate in 21st century America? Second, the same groups that are staunchly defending their freedom to bear arms and not wear masks are the often the same ones demanding that students and parents NOT have the freedom to choose books for themselves.

It doesn’t sit right with me. And thankfully, it doesn’t sit right with Nirvana Comics. And they are doing something about it.

What ways have you seen books stories, schools, or communities fighting back against book banning?

Thanks for getting nerdy with me!

Book reviews

A good time to Tidy Up with Marie Kondo

Posted on by Julia Tomiak / 4 Comments

I love putting away holiday decorations each January and cleaning up my house. The beginning of a new year always feels like a fresh start, a time to clean out what encumbers to get on with new goals and endeavors. I always use January to thin out my files, de-clutter my counters, and get rid of the clothes I know I won’t wear. And this year, I’ve got extra motivation: The Life-Saving Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo.

Book cover The Life-Saving Magic of Tidying Up

Tidying Up was published in 2014, but I didn’t pick it up until last spring after spending several weeks cleaning out my father’s cluttered house. The experience was difficult and eye opening. I found a box in my father’s study I’m sure he brought home from his last day at work with a government contractor in the late 1980s and never cleaned out. I also found Christmas napkins that screamed 1978 and too many expired jars of food in his pantry. The energy required to sort through his detritus of 45 years gave me the motivation to get a handle on my STUFF.

We’ve been living in our current home for over ten years, and the with four kids and three dogs, the STUFF has accumulated. And so, since child number one launches to his own home and career next month, and child number three prepares to head off to college this summer, I consulted Marie Kondo for some serious help with organization and minimization. She did not disappoint.


The premise

Kondo has a successful business in Tokyo helping people de-clutter their homes, and she built that business on a method she calls the KonMari method. It demands serious full scale commitment, evaluating items in the home by category and removing anything that doesn’t spark joy. Kondo believes instead of working room by room or little by little, or just finding a better way to organize and store things, people need to figure out what they truly need and junk the rest. Well, almost everything. (We can’t pitch tax paperwork after all.) I haven’t used her method fully, but I have gone through all of my clothes (from all places and closets in my house), and I’m already feeling better about the space I now have after giving many unwanted clothes away.

What I liked

Kondo blends a very precise, detailed method with consideration for wellness/ mental health / spiritual awareness. This, along with the “do it all at once” philosophy, separates it from other approaches to organization. For example, regarding clothes, Kondo says you must take everything out of your closet, actually touch each item of clothing, and see how it makes you feel. If it doesn’t immediately spark joy, you should get rid of it.

When I first told husband about clothes sparking joy, he scoffed. “Clothes can’t make you happy,” he said. However, a few weeks later, when he discovered his new favorite pants from an online retailer, and proceeded to wear the pants often and buy another pair in a different color, he admitted, “Okay, maybe they can spark joy.”

Kondo suggests setting up your closets and drawers so the arrangement of colors and fabrics pleases the eye, and so that you can see everything at once. (Nothing should be buried in piles). She also places emphasis on gratitude for your belongings. While thanking your purse for the service it did for you and cleaning it out at the end of each day is a bit over the top for me, I think Kondo’s focus on appreciating the things you have could lead to more contentment and less materialism.

I also liked Kondo’s method because it involves not just organizing and labeling, but truly downsizing. It’s not about finding better ways to store everything you have but figuring out what you really need and getting rid of the rest. This kind of minimalism appeals to me because clutter and disorganization give me anxiety.


What I didn’t like

sock drawer
Look at how happy and colorful these socks look, even balled up. 🙂

Some things in The Life Saving Magic of Tidying Up didn’t sit right with me. For example, Kondo argues that balling up socks in a drawer is not the right way to treat socks. They serve an important purpose each day – providing feet comfort – and shouldn’t be stored stretched out of shape. However, I always have balled socks so that they stay together in pairs. Loose socks flying around the drawer drive me crazy.

Kondo also advocates storing all paperwork in one place (e.g. one file) (?!?) because you really don’t need a lot of it anyway. I must say, I was very grateful my father had a clearly identified and organized files for his paperwork. It helped immensely with paying bills and closing accounts. I’m a big fan of filing, so I will overlook that bit of KonMari magic.

Recommendation

In The Life Saving Magic of Tidying Up, Marie Kondo offers an insightful and unique approach to to cleaning out your home, and I recommend it. I enjoyed her suggestions for a spiritual approach and a structured framework for clearing out things you don’t need. While I must admit, I’ve only tackled my clothes, I plan to use the KonMari method as I clean out the rest of my house.

Have you read The Life Saving Magic of Tidying Up? What parts of KonMari did you find helpful or not so helpful? Can you recommend any other books to help with tidying?

Thanks for getting organized with me!

Book reviews

Why you should read The Henna Artist

Posted on by Julia Tomiak / 3 Comments

Are you interested in a book that exposes you to other cultures? Or helps you understand the challenges women face in other countries? Or has beautiful story telling and characters you can relate to, even though they are set in a different time and place? I have just the book for you!

The Premise

The Henna Artist, by Alka Joshi, tells the story of Lakshmi, who escaped an abusive marriage when she was 17 years old to start a new life in the city of Jaipur. There, she gains respect, some independence, and a good income working as a henna artist for the wealthy women of the city. However, her business depends on the good graces of men and the women she serves, and when multiple event threaten to ruin her reputation, her livelihood hangs in the balance.

What I liked

Joshi expertly weaves information about Indian culture into her plot. She also includes a glossary of terms and a name index in the back of the book to help readers understand Indian words and follow relationships between characters. I never felt lost or overwhelmed by the world she creates, nor did I perceive an “info dump.”

Joshi’s characters are interesting and complex. Lakshmi, the main character, is smart and talented, and I couldn’t help but root for her as she negotiates class, caste, and misogyny in 1950s India. While her world is so different from my own, I could relate to her feelings of frustration in multiple areas, especially in mentoring her younger sister. (They have more of a mother-daughter relationship than a sibling relationship.)

Although Lakshmi faces challenges, she has some true friends and a resourceful young helper to support her. I especially like that by the end of the novel, Lakshmi must reassess if the things she thought would give her power – a house, a job, the favor of the wealthy – actually bring her happiness.

What I didn’t like

The frequency of Indian words confused me at first… until I found the glossary. Then I started to enjoy learning the different words and being able to understand context better. I also questioned whether a woman in India in the 1950s would have as much independence as portrayed in The Henna Artist, but I suppose we can give the author artistic license. In her author’s notes, Joshi says part of the reason why she wrote the novel was to explore how her mother’s life might have been if she had more independence.

Recommendation

If you enjoy historical fiction, women’s fiction, or learning about other cultures, The Henna Artist is a good choice for you. A few members of my book club listened to the audio book said it was well done and helped with pronunciation of the Indian words.

Have you read The Henna Artist? What did you think? Can you recommend other books about foreign cultures? I think The Kite Runner is excellent for learning about Afghanistan.

How to encourage reading

World reading habits in 2021

Posted on by Julia Tomiak / 0 Comment

Happy New Year! Please welcome my guest Isabel Cabrera as she shares an infographic and highlights on reading habits across the world, collected by Global English Editing.

How did the second year of the pandemic affect our reading habits?

Well, according to editing and proofreading company Global English Editing, the world is reading more books than ever before.

They have recently released a great new infographic about world reading habits in 2021, and some of their findings may surprise you. 

The infographic shows which countries read the most, what they read, and how the ongoing pandemic has impacted reading habits worldwide.

Some of the highlights of their research include:

  • India, Thailand, and China read more than any other country.
  • US readers prefer romance novels
  • Millennials are the most avid readers of all generations
  • Europe’s biggest bookworms are Finns, Poles, and Estonians
  • In China, audiobooks are becoming increasingly popular

Curious to know more about what the world was reading in 2021? Then check out the infographic below.

Word Nerd Note: I was sad to see that the pandemic has caused a decrease in the literacy rate in developing countries, and that children are falling behind in literacy skills because of school closings. I was happy to see more adults are reading, that ebook sales have leveled off, and that Liane Moriarty has more books out! 🙂 Happy reading!

World Reading Habits infographic
Who I Am

Notice what’s good in 2022

Posted on by Julia Tomiak / 0 Comment

You get more of what you notice.

Too often, we notice and grumble about things that aren’t going well and people who annoy us. There are so many challenges in the world right now, I’m not going to bother to list them here. You already know them, and notice them, too readily. And unfortunately, the more we notice them, the grumpier we get. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle, but one we have the power to stop.

I recently read an opinion piece in The Washington Post entitled “21 Good things that happened in 2021.” Each year, The Post publishes a piece like this, increasing the list of good things according to the number of the year. A challenging exercise, but a worthwhile one. Because perhaps if we spend more time focusing on the good things happening out there, we won’t be as discouraged by the bad things.

Whether or not you are a Christian, this verse from Philippians offers useful advice:

Looking back on 2021

So let’s start by looking back at 2021 and taking notice of good things that happened. I won’t bore you with 21 good things from my life, but I will list a few for inspiration.

Good thing #1:  My new puppy, who is energetic and curious and forces me to stay focused on the present. When I take her for a walk, if I sink into spiraling thoughts, my puppy invariably starts pulling on her leash or eating something disgusting, as if she knows I need the cue to escape my unhelpful musings.

My puppy, Scout.
  • Good thing #2:  A true family vacation in July after months of limited travel and contact during the pandemic.
  • Good thing #3: Love and support from family and friends while I took care of my dying father.
  • Good thing #4: Finding jeans that fit. (Thank you, Stitch Fix!)

Prepping for 2022

Now it’s your turn. Think of 21 things from 2021, however big or small, that were good. I dare you to write them down. (Writing often helps me process and solidify ideas; it might do the same for you.) Perhaps this could be a New Year’s Eve activity to enjoy with friends and family, or a quiet meditation you practice by yourself. Just do it.

That’s the first step. Next, plan to make it a habit to notice the good in 2022. Think about the stories and media you consume, and commit to making sure you get plenty of positive news to balance out the snarky, sensational, and shocking. Find publications, websites, and influencers that focus on good and will guide you to do the same.

One suggestion: Reasons to Be Cheerful, a website founded by former Talking Heads lead man David Byrne. According to the site’s About page, “Reasons to be Cheerful is a non-profit editorial project that is tonic for tumultuous times. We tell stories that reveal that there are, in fact, a surprising number of reasons to feel cheerful. Many of these reasons come in the form of smart, proven, replicable solutions to the world’s most pressing problems. We’re here to tell you about some of them.”

I have signed up for the “Reasons to be Cheerful” newsletter so I can get positive stories about solutions in my inbox each week. I guard my email inbox like a Doberman, but I think this is a worthwhile addition.

Wishing you the very best for 2022, and most especially, encouraging you pay attention to what you notice, and make sure you notice the good.

Happy New Year!

Thanks for getting positive with me!