How To Survive the College Drop Off

The big day is quickly approaching. The one when I pack up a van with bedding, towels, and clothes. Drive three hours away. Drop off my son to live on his own at college. There are so many good things about this change.

He’s ready.
He’s excited.
All the fun things to do at college!
He will learn how to use the gifts he’s been given to make this world a better place.
He’s going to my alma mater, one of my favorite places on the planet.

But.

I’m amazed by the number of emotions I feel at one time: joy, excitement, pride, nostalgia, worry, sadness. I’m excited he has this opportunity, and yet, he is the child who rubs my back when he knows I’m stressed. I love his smile, his sense of humor, his driven nature.

I will miss him.

I will miss not just his physical presence in my days, but also his childhood. Now he is becoming a man, and our relationship will change. I remind myself that change isn’t bad. It’s natural, it’s normal, it often leads to good. (Like, the transition from Pull Ups to underpants was a great thing, right?)

A wise friend told me to start praying about this day years ago, so that when the time came, I’d be ready. And I am, mostly, although I plan to keep a pair of sunglasses handy for that final goodbye. I don’t want to embarrass the boy with my tears.

To help me, and anyone else who needs this, prepare for the BIG DAY, I asked some experienced writer friends to share tips for the college drop off. Dana and Amy both took their oldest children to school last fall, and they have some excellent ideas for making the day go smoothly.

Dana, at Kiss My List, says:

Planning is the key to a smooth college drop-off. You can’t control the emotional weight of the day, but you can control other factors, and this will help you get through the process with less angst.

Do your homework ahead of time. Find out the wheres and whens of drop-off, unloading and parking. Decide who is staying with the car until it’s empty, who is moving stuff in, who will park the car, etc.
Let your student decide where everything goes in the room. It’s his space, not yours. You don’t want him texting you to ask where you put his underwear, do you?
Amazon has everything your student may need once you leave. Everyone else will be hitting Target or Walmart that day, and those stores are more crowded than they are on Black Friday. Last minute shopping will just add to the stress; there is nothing he needs that desperately.
Before drop-off day, write a note to your student. I tucked mine under my daughter’s pillow for her to find that evening. Two years later, she still has it in her desk.
Avoid prolonged goodbyes. A hug, an “I love you,” and a swift exit is best for everyone. You can cry in the car. This is an exciting time for your student, but even good change is stressful. He doesn’t need the additional stress of seeing his mom or dad lose it.
Make plans for when you get home – dinner with friends, a movie (comedy, please!), or anything else that brings you joy. You’ll have something to look forward to, and the activity will be a good distraction.
Be kind to yourself. It’s a big adjustment, but you’ll be okay. And so will your baby.

Amy Makechnie, published author and mother of four, had to take her daughter across the country to start college. Amy offers this advice:

Pack lightly. Dorm rooms are small. You really don’t need 100 books, old journals, scrapbooks, or photo albums – there’s too much fun to be had to be reliving the past!
DO bring a framed picture of your family. Amazing how much more you love each other when you’re not living with one another.
Take your child to college, if you can. I’m so glad I did. At 18, my husband flew across the country by himself – I still think that’s such a sad scene!
Put a note under your child’s pillow or hidden somewhere. He/she will find it at just the right time. Maybe a $20 bill, as well.
Say good-bye quickly. Cry later. This isn’t about YOU. This is a VERY exciting time for your child.
Let them go. It’s time to fly.
Keep their room at home for them. At least for the first year! Nothing says, “welcome back” like a sibling completely usurping your room and every possession in it! I always want my children to feel that they have a place and a room to come home to, no matter where they go. You don’t need a shrine(!) but that first year, when everything is changing so much, I think it’s important for your child to know that home stays the same (and hopefully that “same” is a good one!)

Did you notice how the note thing appeared twice? That’s a must. I’ve got a draft already.

Do you have any other suggestions for surviving the college drop off?

Thanks for getting sentimental with me,