This past weekend, I had the honor and privilege to officiate the wedding of my best friend’s daughter. I have known the bride since she was a baby, and she’s like a niece to me. Who knew three days could hold so much? I reconnected with old friends, made new ones, and officiated my very first wedding service. I also cheered on newlyweds, cried at speeches, and danced with my kids- oldest son even taught me a few spin moves.
While I marveled at the enthusiasm of youth, as well as the cute figures of the young bridesmaids, I also appreciated what 53 years of life have taught me. Lessons that I have already learned, but need regular reminders about.
First, the superficial.
Weddings require preparedness
Superficial, by the way, comes from the Latin roots super meaning “on top” and facies meaning face or aspect.
First, always pack hair products! I have easy hair – it’s got natural wave and usually only requires some product and a bit of scrunching to look good. However, this weekend, the remnants of Hurricane Helene doused Pennsylvania with rain, which not only wreaked havoc on travel plans, plane schedules, and train routes, but also created brought humid conditions. On the day of the wedding, I started with well defined curls, but by the reception, without the benefit of hair spray and a curling iron, my waves coalesced into a frizzy, thick mushroom. ☹
Second, find COMFORTABLE dress shoes, or better yet, bring cute sneakers to change into. One of the bride’s aunts traded her heels for sparkly silver and green Eagles sneakers during the cocktail hour. And the bride proudly displayed her floral tennis shoes during her dances. The stone dance floor plus no cushion heels brought stinging pain to the balls of my feet, so after the third song, I got rid of my heels and spent the rest of the reception shoeless. Even, to my daughter’s horror, in the bathroom.
Helene also brought chilly temps, and while we ate dinner in a tent with the sides lowered to protect from the wet and the cold, I borrowed a wrap to keep warm. I now have three dressy, yet stylish, wraps saved in my Amazon cart. Everyone should have at least one. Two if you care about friends.
Weddings celebrate love
Weddings aren’t all about appearances, or they shouldn’t be. They celebrate love, and we certainly did this weekend. Most importantly, the love of a couple who met in college and have sustained their relationship through many adversities, including the groom’s long deployments in far away seas. The readings and vows also reminded me of my own precious marriage, now 30 years long, to a man who truly cherishes me and is my life partner.
This event allowed me to reconnect with friends I do not see enough, and found family I will always treasure. Bonus: two of my four adult children also attended, granting us valuable time together. I’ve spent a quarter century building pathways for communication and grace in my immediate family, and moments like this weekend, when we gather in laughter and love, validate the work.
In a world currently tainted by war, natural disasters, and political unrest, it was refreshing to immerse myself, and my people, in love.
Weddings churn up multiple emotions
The Word Nerd needs help with a word. How do you describe the state of overflowing with a multitude of emotions? A few weeks ago, I wrote about ambivalence, which means feeling more than one way about something at the same time. But this is different. Over this wedding weekend, I experienced joy, excitement, and sadness, sometimes all at once. While a wedding offers the opportunity to celebrate love and connection, it can also stir up grief. We miss the people who are not present to share the experience, like grandparents who have passed away and aren’t there to hug the bride and groom. Most tragically, at this wedding, a young woman from the bridal party died earlier this year from breast cancer. She was 24 years old.
Most relevant for me, a resident of Appalachia, I knew that while we danced under fairy lights, people in the southeast were watching their homes and businesses drift away on flood waters. As we dined on salmon and salad, thousands couldn’t access electricity or clean water. Author David Joy summed up the frustration well:
The bride and her father danced to “I Hope You Dance,” the Chris Stapleton version. The lyrics fit the occasion perfectly.
A wedding is one of the rare occasions in life when the people you care about most gather together in joy. Weddings offer the precious opportunity to treasure what truly matters. I’m happy to report, I was fully present. And next time, I’m packing hair spray and sneakers.
Now, who can help me with that word that means holding multiple emotions at once?
Thanks for getting nerdy with me!
Oh! You totally should have borrowed my floral sneakers!
I am stumped on a word to describe that feeling!
Splendiferousness?
🙂