The Problem
It took a while to realize what ailed me.
First, I couldn’t fall asleep. I don’t usually struggle with insomnia, but one night last week my mind churned into the wee hours. I heard my son stirring too and wondered what he was doing up so late. My Mother Voice niggled me. Do I need to dig into his habits? When was the last time we discussed healthy choices? On the verge of an empty nest and excited about the possibilities opening to me as mothering duties decline, sometimes I forget to engage with child #4 like I did with #s 1, 2 and 3.
So, cue the mother guilt.
Then my brain turned to self depreciating thoughts about how I’m handling my new job as a school board member. These early months in the role feel like drinking water from a fire hose. So much policy to decipher, so many schools to visit, so many relationships to navigate. I often feel inadequate to the task.
Finally, when I did fall asleep, nightmares plagued me. I don’t watch or read violent content, but sweet old me dreamed of trying to kill off, like a pesky insect, a public figure who irritates me. He would not die, so I had to keep trying, just like a Terminator movie.
Then, thanks to my evening reading of This Tender Land by William Kent Krueger, which opens at a home for orphaned children, I dreamed I lived in an orphanage. And my assigned bunk had several bags of ticks hanging on the wall next to it. Yikes!
No sleep for Julia that night!
The next day, besides overwhelming fatigue, I continued to experience worry and a rapid heartbeat. I knew looking at my phone would only feed my unease, and yet I couldn’t help myself. I wanted distraction, but I only found more to upset me. The cycle disrupted my day.
It took until mid afternoon to name my problem.
Anxiety.
I haven’t experienced a state of sustained agitation like that since I was taking care of my dying father. But once I recognized the problem, I could take action.
The Solution
First, I folded the baskets of clean laundry that had cluttered in my family room for days. In my world, outer order promotes inner calm. While folding, I listened to a new podcast from The Washington Post called Impromptu. In it, opinion writers discuss the thought processes behind their published columns. The episode I listened to was called “How to cope with the absurd, high stakes 2024 election.” The columnists discussed how they put limits on their consumption of and discussions about politics to protect their mental health. They encouraged each other, and listeners, to find the narrow balance between staying informed and over indulging on politically charged news.
Clearly, I’ve been consuming too much toxic news and commentary about our political system. Time to reevaluate my reading and listening habits.
Side note, my oldest son recently introduced me to a new word: “timeboxing.” He used it to describe how he might limit his interactions with an annoying co-worker. I’m applying it to news consumption.
My second strategy for battling anxiety is, as I stated in my New Year’s post, spending more time reading and sharing Good News. Positive news news stories exists, but our brains are wired to focus on crises and threats. My bout of anxiety revived my intention to focus on positive content. I have culled some political/ current events podcasts from my playlist and added more thoughtful, inspiring ones, like Wiser Than Me by Julia Louis-Dreyfus. I’ve also recommitted to reading at least three stories a week from Reasons to Be Cheerful, a nonprofit dedicated to stories about solutions. I loved this piece about how academic institutions are helping save local news. Or this Instagram post about women applauding women (something we don’t see enough in our culture.)
Also, I put down the novel about adults abusing kids at an orphanage and picked up Ross Gay’s collection of essays, Inciting Joy. Gay, a poet and essayist, has a humorous, wandering, and thought provoking voice. His writing usually makes me smile, if not laugh out loud. Also, in honor of National Poetry Month, I have a few poetry collections on my nightstand. That’s what I’ll read before bed if my mind needs settling and peace.
I also recalled the importance of breath work. All last fall, during cross country season, I preached to my athletes about the benefits of breathing to control stress (particularly on the starting line.) Yet, I’d forgotten how much a long exhale can activate the parasympathetic nervous system and calm my nerves. Welcome back, box breathing,.
Finally, I am adding more outdoor green time. Evidence exists that listening to bird song and spending time outside improves our mental health. With temperatures rising and plants blooming, it’s easier to spend time outside, and I plan to take full advantage of that. Look out garden beds, here I come.
With wars abroad and a contentious election at home, 2024 could be a stressful year. But, we have tools available to manage our well being. I’m choosing to carefully consume content, focus on the positive, spend more time outside (without devices!) and BREATHE.
It’s a tough world out there, people. Take care of yourselves. How will you do it this week? Share in the comments.
Thanks for getting nerdy with me!
