Who I Am

Words and books to lift your spirit

Posted on by Julia Tomiak / 1 Comment

When I’m discouraged, I turn to words and books to offer consolation and inspiration. If personal circumstances, the coming of winter, or the state of politics and public affairs have you feeling drained or down, here are five book related tips for rising above.

Keep Going by Austin Kleon

This fun little book, easy to digest in bits, offers encouragement and insight to creatives, but Kleon’s collection of snippets is useful for anyone trying to keep up motivation. My favorite quote appears near the end, from the late, great Toni Morrison:

This is precisely the time when artists go to work. There is no time for despair, no place for self-pity, no need for silence, no room for fear. We speak, we write, we do language. That is how civilizations heal. I know the world is bruised and bleeding, and though it is important not to ignore its pain, it is also critical to refuse to succumb to its malevolence. Like failure, chaos contains information that can lead to knowledge- even wisdom. Like art.

Toni Morrison, in Keep Going by Austin Kleon

Praying with Mother Teresa by Susan Conroy

One of my favorite life quotes comes from Mother Teresa:

It is better to light a single candle then to curse the darkness.


I can’t find a direct attribution for this quote, but here is an interesting and inspiring article about Mother Teresa and The Power of One. The article advises, “…the wisdom of Mother Teresa applies even in a time of crisis. One thing at a time. One step at a time. One soul at a time. One conversation at a time. One work of mercy at a time. Do the one work of mercy that’s asked of you right now. Love your family, or help your friends, or do good to the stranger.”

When the work seems overwhelming, this is a great reminder of how to start.

Martin Luther King, Jr. and the arc of the moral universe

Recently on a podcast, I heard a historian quote MLK Jr. as he discussed war in the Middle East. He said:

The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.

I find this attitude immensely comforting. And, as a Christian, I believe its true. But to really be moved, watch MLK deliver this line and others. I shiver listening to his hopeful words.

Learn more history

Speaking of MLK, in the past few weeks I’ve found consolation in learning more history and gaining perspective. Greedy, power hungry people have always been around to do awful things. (Exhibit A: Herod in the Gospel of Matthew.) Our job is to keep working against them. Our nation has faced division and challenges before. The Great Depression. McCarthyism. Vietnam. And that was just the 20th century. America has recovered. It will again.

I’m a huge fan of Stephanie Dray’s historical fiction. Check out here recent release, Becoming Madam Secretary, to learn more about one woman’s contributions to helping our country climb out of The Great Depression. To learn more about history, check out NPR’s Throughline Podcast. It explores many topics in American history and features a series called “We the People.” This examines each of the amendments to the US Constitution. Here’s the episode on The Second Amendment.

Action absorbs anxiety

Another great podcast for a time of distress is The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos. On World Mental Health Day October 2024, Dr. Santos gathered the “Titans of Happiness” to share their tips for staying calm and contented in challenging circumstances. One of her guests was Dan Harris, former TV anchor who now educates his followers about meditation with this 10% Happier podcast. He had the best quote of the episode:

Action could mean exercise. It could be volunteering to serve food to homeless in your city or working a shift at the local pregnancy center. It could be as simple as checking on a neighbor. Or, when you’re ready, it could be something slightly bigger, like choosing one issue you feel strongly about and getting involved with it. For me, that was running for school board in my little county. What might that look like for you?

I’d like to close with powerful words from Heather Cox Richardson, an American historian who currently teaches at Boston College. On Make Me Smart, she advised people concerned about the current American political climate:

You wake up and you just put one foot in front of the other and try to do the next right thing. And if enough of us wake up and do the next right thing for long enough, we turn it around.

We have a lot of humble, loving work to do in our country. I believe, one action at a time, we can get it done.

Do you?

Thanks for getting hopeful with me!

How to encourage reading/Who I Am

Every vote counts! A reminder from a one vote winner

Posted on by Julia Tomiak / 1 Comment

A year ago at this time, I was passing out candy at football games and trunk or treats, greeting people with my campaign flyers, and getting to as many civic meetings as possible. I was running for local office.

I competed with three other candidates for the At Large School Board Seat, and the political party most dominant in my county had endorsed one of my opponents. School board seats are supposed to be non-partisan, but this type of endorsing went on all over Virginia. Concerned, but not daunted, I called on friends and acquaintances, and even my introvert husband, and together, we spread my image and message across the county. Election Day involved a spreadsheet of volunteers and a tour to the 12 different voting precincts in my county to pitch myself to strangers. I smiled nonstop from 7am to 7pm.

But my campaign didn’t end on Election Day. The work did, but the waiting just began. At 9pm on Election night, I sat in front of my laptop watching results on the Virginia elections site. First I climbed up, then I feel behind my opponents. By 10, I took my husband’s advice, turned off the laptop, and went to bed.

The next day, it looked like I had won by 99 votes. The day after that, I got a call from the county registrar. The county had tallied votes correctly, but Richmond made a mistake recording our county votes, and I was suddenly behind. And not all of the absentee ballots had been cast. By the next week, after all mail-in ballots were counted, I led my opponent by a handful of votes. He called for a recount. I didn’t blame him. I would have done the same.

So, on a morning in December, I gathered in the basement of the county court building with election officials, the clerk of court and his staff, and a panel of three judges for the recount. I also was allowed to bring two friends who could observe the counting for me and speak on my behalf. The recount took more than seven hours. My opponent was there and also had ballot observers with him.

A few ballots were contested. In both cases, the voter had put a mark by more than one candidate for the same office on the ballot. What had the voter intended?

The election volunteers and officials did an excellent job of attending to detail and keeping things impartial and fair. In the end,

I won by a single vote.

That’s right. One.

Me, getting sworn in by the judge who dubbed me “Landslide.” 😉

To those of you tired of hearing about swing states, polls, and the Electoral College, let me assure you of this: YOUR VOTE MATTERS. Especially for local and state politics. Please, please, educate yourself, make a plan, and vote this election.

I learned a lot during my campaign, both about the power of local political parties and how many mistakes people make on ballots. Fill in the entire box. Choose only one candidate. Direct questions to your local election officials.

And lemme say it one more time…

Every vote counts! Including yours. Vote!

Thanks for getting nerdy with me!

Improving vocabulary

What you should know about the term “Fascism”

Posted on by Julia Tomiak / 1 Comment

Politicians and pundits have tossed around big words this week, including “fascist.” Unfortunately, those same pundits and politicians don’t explain words in nuanced terms, which can leave many of us confused or misinformed. Recently I explored the etymology of “incumbent.” This week, let’s dive into “fascism.”

The origins of fascism – the word

According to Merriam-Webster, the term fascism arises from the Italian word fascio (plural fasci), which literally means bundle and can figuratively mean group. In ancient Rome, officers carried bundles of rods with an ax head attached to clear the way for magistrates. Starting in the late 1800s, fascio or fasci was used to name labor and agrarian unions. In the early 20th century, dictator Benito Mussolini climbed to power, and the members of his political party were called fascisti in Italian. The fascisti used fasces, bundles of rods connected to an ax, to symbolize Italians united and obedient to the authority of the state.

As the result of Mussolini’s influence, fascism entered English as a term to describe a political philosophy or regime that favors nation or race above individuals. A fascist country is usually run by a dictator who imposes a severe social and economic structure and suppresses opposition. Fascism can also describe a tendency toward strong dictatorial control. Here’s the important part to grasp: in a fascist country, a dictator controls the lives of the people and does not tolerate dissent. The regime also tends to favor far right political perspectives and a nationalist agenda. Many fascist dictators held power in the early to mid 20th century, including Fransisco Franco in Spain, Mussolini in Italy, and Adolf Hitler in Germany.

Knowledge is power

I was shocked to learn that fascist parties have existed in the United States. In the late 1930s, several pro-German groups with fascist ideology formed in the states, and one group, the Silver Legion of America, got a fascist candidate for president on a third party ticket. Once Germany declared war on the US in 1941, the group was outlawed.

Words, and their history, are important. I hope you’ve learned something today and will share it during this election.

If you’d like to learn more about fascism, visit these sites:

What other politically charged words are you interested in? I promise to tackle “filibuster” soon!

Thanks for getting nerdy with me!

Improving vocabulary

How the football game got its name: a history

Posted on by Julia Tomiak / 1 Comment

We wonder things in my family. We wonder why a hamburger is called that when it doesn’t (usually) have any ham. We wonder why a soccer field is called a pitch. And, we wonder why football is called football since players use their hands to play. I spent the weekend with American football games blaring in the background, (My goodness, a lot of people were at that Tennessee game!), and now I must answer this question about the origin of the game “football.”

The origins of football

American football grew out of a group of games broadly called football that required teams to move a ball to a target using the feet. From that broad category, two games most often receive for the development of American football: soccer and rugby. Their names have an interesting history.

Soccer was originally called “association football.” Newspapers covering the sport shortened the name to “assoc.” In the 1870s, college men fond of playful slang, especially young men at Oxford, liked to shorten words and add “-er.” So breakfast became “brekker.” Assoc was shortened to soc and er was added, leading to soccer, which was first recorded as “socker” in 1891.

Rugby was another football game, but in 1821, a player named William Webb Ellis made a fundamental change to the sport. Instead of kicking the game ball over a goal line, he picked the ball up and ran over it. This significant play happened during a game at Rugby School, and thus the game of Rugby was born.

American football gets its start

Soccer and rugby came to the United States during the 19th century, and a hybrid of these two games morphed into what we now call football. The first football game played in the US was between Rutgers and Princeton in 1869. The match had few rules and was more chaotic than the highly technical game we watch now. In the 1880s, Walter Camp, known as “The Father of American Football,” introduced changes to make the game unique and also more safe.

Camp got rid of the chaotic scrum and added the line of scrimmage. He also added the concept of downs, which increased the strategic component of the game. Scoring methods changed under Camp’s direction, with different points awarded for a touchdown, field goal, or safety. This increased the need for planning and strategy.

Moving into the 1900s, players started wearing protective equipment, including helmets and pads. In 1906, the forward pass became a part of the game, in part to address continuing concern about player safety and the dangers of tackling. (Interesting to note that safety has been an issue from the start of the game.)

Close ties to rugby

American football has more in common with rugby than soccer. The games use similar strategy to advance a ball on a field and require robust tackles and physicality. The oblong shape of a football comes from rugby, as well as the basis of scoring.

As the daughter and granddaughter of avid Green Bay Packers fans, I understand football and most of its complicated rules, including the downs and the penalties. But over the years, I’ve developed a skepticism of the sport in general, particularly over concerns about its safety (after reading Concussion by Jeanne Marie Laskas) and a distaste for the aggressive and at times sexist and racist overtones of the sport. But I am glad to learn how it got its name and how it is different from soccer, my favorite sport. (Which also requires strategy and physical strength, without all the stoppage time and time outs. Just sayin’ 😉 )

For more details about the history of football and how it got its name, visit:

Who’s watching football this season?

Thanks for getting nerdy with me!

Improving vocabulary

Election vocabulary: what you need to know about the term “incumbent”

Posted on by Julia Tomiak / 2 Comments

Incumbent. It’s a silly word, and since it’s election season, we hear it every day! Most of us understand it means a person currently holding an office. But have you ever wondered where incumbent, which can also be an adjective meaning obligatory, comes from?

Incumbent serves as a noun or an adjective. It derives from the Latin verb incumbere, which means “to lie down on.” What does that have to do with holding office? First used in English way back in the 15th century, incumbent named someone who held a paid position in the church. They usually held the office for life, unless certain legal conflicts forced them out of office. So, I guess a responsibility was laid on the incumbent. By the 17th century, incumbent was used to describe a person holding any office, included elected positions.

These days, we use it most often to describe the person already in an office during an election. But we also use it as an adjective with multiple meanings, including

  • imposed as a duty, obligatory
  • lying or resting on something else
  • bent over so as to rest on or touch an underlying surface

Now you know! Over the weekend, when political discussion gets too spicy, wow everyone with your new election vocab knowledge. Thank you, Merriam-Webster!

Are there other election words you’d like to learn more about? I’ve also taken a deep dive into Trial Balloon and Parity.

Thanks for getting nerdy with me!

Who I Am

Embracing emotions: lessons from a beautiful wedding

Posted on by Julia Tomiak / 3 Comments

This past weekend, I had the honor and privilege to officiate the wedding of my best friend’s daughter. I have known the bride since she was a baby, and she’s like a niece to me. Who knew three days could hold so much?  I reconnected with old friends, made new ones, and officiated my very first wedding service. I also cheered on newlyweds, cried at speeches, and danced with my kids- oldest son even taught me a few spin moves.  

Bride and Groom cutting wedding cake

While I marveled at the enthusiasm of youth, as well as the cute figures of the young bridesmaids, I also appreciated what 53 years of life have taught me. Lessons that I have already learned, but need regular reminders about.

First, the superficial.

Weddings require preparedness

Superficial, by the way, comes from the Latin roots super meaning “on top” and facies meaning face or aspect.

First, always pack hair products!  I have easy hair – it’s got natural wave and usually only requires some product and a bit of scrunching to look good. However, this weekend, the remnants of Hurricane Helene doused Pennsylvania with rain, which not only wreaked havoc on travel plans, plane schedules, and train routes, but also created brought humid conditions. On the day of the wedding, I started with well defined curls, but by the reception, without the benefit of hair spray and a curling iron, my waves coalesced into a frizzy, thick mushroom. ☹

Second, find COMFORTABLE dress shoes, or better yet, bring cute sneakers to change into. One of the bride’s aunts traded her heels for sparkly silver and green Eagles sneakers during the cocktail hour. And the bride proudly displayed her floral tennis shoes during her dances. The stone dance floor plus no cushion heels brought stinging pain to the balls of my feet, so after the third song, I got rid of my heels and spent the rest of the reception shoeless. Even, to my daughter’s horror, in the bathroom.

Helene also brought chilly temps, and while we ate dinner in a tent with the sides lowered to protect from the wet and the cold, I borrowed a wrap to keep warm. I now have three dressy, yet stylish, wraps saved in my Amazon cart. Everyone should have at least one. Two if you care about friends.

Weddings celebrate love

Weddings aren’t all about appearances, or they shouldn’t be. They celebrate love, and we certainly did this weekend. Most importantly, the love of a couple who met in college and have sustained their relationship through many adversities, including the groom’s long deployments in far away seas. The readings and vows also reminded me of my own precious marriage, now 30 years long, to a man who truly cherishes me and is my life partner.

This event allowed me to reconnect with friends I do not see enough, and found family I will always treasure. Bonus: two of my four adult children also attended, granting us valuable time together. I’ve spent a quarter century building pathways for communication and grace in my immediate family, and moments like this weekend, when we gather in laughter and love, validate the work.

In a world currently tainted by war, natural disasters, and political unrest, it was refreshing to immerse myself, and my people, in love.

Weddings churn up multiple emotions

The Word Nerd needs help with a word. How do you describe the state of overflowing with a multitude of emotions? A few weeks ago, I wrote about ambivalence, which means feeling more than one way about something at the same time. But this is different. Over this wedding weekend, I experienced joy, excitement, and sadness, sometimes all at once. While a wedding offers the opportunity to celebrate love and connection, it can also stir up grief. We miss the people who are not present to share the experience, like grandparents who have passed away and aren’t there to hug the bride and groom. Most tragically, at this wedding, a young woman from the bridal party died earlier this year from breast cancer. She was 24 years old.

Most relevant for me, a resident of Appalachia, I knew that while we danced under fairy lights, people in the southeast were watching their homes and businesses drift away on flood waters. As we dined on salmon and salad, thousands couldn’t access electricity or clean water. Author David Joy summed up the frustration well:

The bride and her father danced to “I Hope You Dance,” the Chris Stapleton version. The lyrics fit the occasion perfectly.

A wedding is one of the rare occasions in life when the people you care about most gather together in joy. Weddings offer the precious opportunity to treasure what truly matters. I’m happy to report, I was fully present. And next time, I’m packing hair spray and sneakers.

Now, who can help me with that word that means holding multiple emotions at once?

Thanks for getting nerdy with me!